Accidental Marriage
by blueinu
Summary: A prank gone horribly wrong, and the best revenge ever!
1. Chapter 1 Karma is a Bitch

Disclaimer: I do not own this Tite Kubo does.

If u see something that is new that means that is is mine. Please ask if u want to use it, that I have no worries with. If i used something you have read before i am sorry please contact me to let me know who you are or ur buddies are so that you, or them my recieve your credit, where it is due.

Threesome X-over Bleach+Naruto+Sailor Moon(brief mentions of sailor moon stuff)

Parings Shunsui Kyōraku+ /FemNaru Uzumaki because I think they are both under appreicated as characters.

Warnings, Violence, Sex, mentions of drug use and nudity as well as a colorful vocabulary :D and hopefully epic in length, my favoi

**_Chapter One_**

**Karma is a Bitch**

"Uh, god my head. What the fuck happened last night? Oh god, what crawled into my mouth and died there? Morning breath and cotton mouth,gross." Bleary blue eyes peering out from under her pillow to look at the time on the other side of the room, which just happened to be four feet away. With an exhausted thump of her head she burrowed back into the warmth and was just about to go to sleep when. She. Heard. It.

It had never existed before until now.

A _snore_ and it was coming from the other side of her bed, she never ever used.

She slowly with years of experience to draw from to out maneuver her caretakers and body guards with many many years of honed hunter prey instincts born from desperation. She slowly turned her head to peek out from under her pillow at the _THING_ she had brought home unknowingly with her in her drunken stupor last night.

"Oh boy." Her blue eyes wide in shock and revolted horror.

She was looking at the one person she did not ever want to wake up with since he is know as the worst womanizer in the last 2000 years for a reason.

Shunsui Kyōraku.

Her hand moved a quick as molasses to touch the image, to check for illusions and the off chance she had a roofie slipped into her Long Island iced tea last night.

And thats when she saw _it_!The sparkle and the winking of a golden band on the wrong hand and the most important part, the wrong finger of said hand.

Blue eyes were flabbergasted and numbness fell over her body as her mind went into shock.

"FUCK!" She said aloud much to her sleeping partner's displeasure. He smiled as he rolled over throwing his arm around the petite female and sneaking the other arm under her head and neck to nuzzle into the fine blond hair, and breathing deeply of her scent and pheromones. "Oh, Hell No!" she whispered as she started wriggling out of his warm embrace.

He smirked just a tiny bit at the ladies protest and got a positively wicked idea.

"Umm, you smell so good Nanao-chan!" He said with a happy moan and a _excited_ twitch of his bare hips and genitals. "OH FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M OUTTA HERE!"

The blond swung her legs over the side of the western style bed, and viciously ripped off her sleeping partner's covers and wrapped herself in it, and left the room.

He smiled a little victory smile and rolled back over covering his arm over his eyes to keep the sun out of them. Rolling back over onto his other side he sought with one hand out to close one side of the drapes when he saw why he sleeping companion was so upset/angry. There staring back at him was the culprit. A golden band that wasn't there yesterday, but it was there now.

"Ukitake- kun would love this."

His eyes closed and he let out a low groan, and just lay there dead to the world for a few minutes or a few hours he wasn't sure all he knew was that there was a beautiful angry woman standing threateningly over him with a squirt bottle.

"Why in the hell are you still here?"She demanded with wild fire dancing in her eyes as she raised the bottle up in a more threating manner.

"Where did you get that lovely Kimono?" The long wavy haired brunet asked the angry pig tailed blond in a lazy care free tone of voice. Her blue eyes blazed with renewed fervor and aimed the bottle with extreme prejudice.

"None of your fucking business you freak!" and she proceed to squirt the man out of the bed down the hall and into the bathroom.

All the household staff looked at each other with knowing proud eyes, and proceed to get the couples first meal together as the older man changed.

One older kitchen staffer looked over at her husband and said with sappy smile "Do you remember when we were like that, all those years ago?"

The older man in his 70's looked at the matron and smiled but was interrupted when they all heard the man laugh. The man's loud chuckles that seemed to reach across the manor's grounds, it was nice to hear.

"Yes, but I don't quite recall laughing that loudly at you, dear." He smiled back at his wife of 300 years and patted her hand before stoking the fire in the wooden grate before his wife started the new Master's and Mistress's breakfast.

~~*An Hour later*~~

If there ever was an intense atmosphere it was at the Uzumaki Manor. Let me describe the scene. A confidently loudly boasting pony tailed brunet and a sizzle short fused blond, mix it together and what do you get? A Nuclear holocaust of epic proportions.

"And there you were drunk out of your mind, betting me in that game of poker that you wouldn't lose. You bet me your hand in marriage, since you were out of poker chips. An Renji had already won your first kiss, Kenpachi a duel at your convince, a. k. a ., as soon as he sees you. Byakuya a batch of home made cookies, and my favorite a water color for Ukitake-kun. " The dark haired man looked over the rim of his tea cup an smirked a lady killer that he had perfected over the last 2000 years.

Oh yeah, he so had her. Hook, line and sinker. Too bad she wasn't much smarter. He frowned mentally at that thought. No one was a challenge any more. With a sigh he predicted what she would do or say next. She would get all teary eyed and cry. Asking if she really did do those things.

"I call bullshit. I have never ever, not even once, lost at a game of poker. Piss drunk,wounded and high. So your barking up the wrong tree, if you think for even a second that I will believe a word that has passed through your foul deceitful lips" And with that the blond flipped him the bird and went back to eating her Miso soup,fried eggs and grilled eel ignoring his presence altogether.

His eyes gleamed maybe _his_ new little spite-fire bride was going to be more of a challenge. He watched the blond from the corner of his eye and saw her pat her plump rose colored lips with her red napkin and motioned for a servant over to her.

The cute red headed servant walked quickly over to her mistress's side and sat beside the short legged table and her mistress.

The blond lent her head towards the servant's ear and whispered her orders to her in quick choppy sentences.

Shunsui tried to eavesdrop into the conversation all he caught was a few words,_ ten_ _minutes, everyone, and Ami. _He had no idea what the little blond was playing at, but he always loved a good intrigue.

"Now Rose." The blond's usually chipper attitude was depleted to nil when she woke up and it continued down into the negatives as her morning progressed. She swore to give up booze after this little fiasco was behind her and the it rumor mill it would generate had officially died it's natural death.

"Yes madame." And with a squeaky exhale of her mistress's title she was already darting to the other side of the room throwing the Shoji doors open and closed quickly to do her _master's_ bidding.

"You didn't have to scare her." Shunsui said after he put the tea cup down.

"You can mind your own business captain. What I do in my own castle is no concern of yours."

"Actually yes it does, since we are husband and wife now." Shunsui turned his head to face the blond and watched her with dark stormy gray eyes.

"That remains to be proven." She turned her heart shaped face towards his own and lent towards him and said in a low tone of voice. "I would never ever willingly marry a disgusting loathsome perverted horny little toad like you in my existence, even if my life was on the line, and you were the last man on earth.."

"Never say never. Because we somehow ended up married so you must have seen what all the other ladies have seen in me!" The long haired man boasted.

"Yes I did find something in you that must have appealed to me in my drunken stupor." She dead panned right back at the handsome man. He didn't need an even more massive ego.

"Don't worry you will fall in love with me sooner or later." The man said confidently.

"When pigs fly."The blond shot back viciously, her patience was up with the insufferable man.

The screen doors opened quickly and the same servant she sent out earlier was back towing a short dark blue haired blue eyed beauty in a dark blue halter top and khaki slacks and cute little Mary Jane scandals.

The woman bowed her head to the blond and getting one back in return approached her.

"I have heard what has happened, your mother will be so excited to hear it." The blue haired woman smiled happily at the irate blond and turned her head towards the man before her bowing head slightly and placing her hand out to shake the new husband's hand in greeting.

"Hello there, I am Ami. Her aunt." her voice chimed towards the rugged handsome man.

"Hello there beautiful. So how old are you? Not jail bait I hope, you do look rather young to me to be this sour pusses Aunt." He thumbed in the direction of his right hand side.

The blue bobbed haired woman looked back over towards the blond and smiled at her before saying, "Naru, you sly dog, I didn't know you were into the rugged out door types." Her voice was bubbly and melodious with a hint of teasing in it.

"I only do when I'm piss drunk." Was the terse reply before she continued,  
"Anyway, no time for chit chatting today Aunty, I need your help finding something and your the only person I can count on to find it." The blond was looking at her aunt more seriously then she had ever done so before.

"Ok, Naru-chan, but what is it you need me to find?" The beautiful woman was suddenly all business like in 0.5 seconds flat.

"Its a piece of paper very important and vital to my future. It's about yeah, and so."

Naru moved her hands in the rough size of the document's length and width being as vague as possible.

"I have no clue where it is, so... I called you up. Think you can help me?" The blond gave her Aunt huge blue teary kicked puppy dog eyes to drive her point home.

"What is this document?" Ami's keen blue eyes fell upon her niece piercing and putting together all the little pieces of information she had and it clicked.

"You mean you lost it? NARU how can you lose something so important?" The blue haired woman said in a terse short clipped voice.

"Please Ami. I won't ask of you another favor for the next ten years. You have my word." The blond was tired already and it was only brunch.

"Deal." The blue bobbed haired woman looked at her niece one last time before taking her tiny super computer out of her pocket flipped the screen and typed a few words into the data pad and started slowly walk in a circle until it beeped.

"It's some where in the east wing Naru." Ami said as she shut off her computer with a flip of its' screen. "Best of luck Naru-chan. I have to get back to work, so take care." And with that parting shot she left giving a wave back to her niece as she walked out of the eating hall and out of the building.

A drawn out sigh made the petite blond look over to her husband and sigh as well.

"No joke." Naru said tiredly before she perked back up almost immediately forgetting her melancholy as she recalled what she was suppose to be doing. Slapping he fist in her palm as she made devious plans of...

Getting rid of her new Husband.

And it all would start as soon as she got her greedy little hands on that document.

"Hell yeah!" With that the blond took off into the direction of the east wing flash stepping her way there as quickly as possible, she still had a lot of work to do today before she could even hope to get started on without the uselessness of her husband to be her ball and chain so to speak.

"Intriguing." Kyōraku mused to himself as he sat quitely eating the last of his breakfast smiling a lazy content smile as he slowly sipped his cooling tea.

The opening of the door alerted him to the presence of and older lady judging by the feel of her soul energy before she even completed stepping into the room.

A old wrinkled kind grandmotherly face turned towards the roguishly good looking older man and smiled at her new master before bowing towards the distinguished captain.

"Good morning master, My name is Ai Akio Head Stewardess of the Uzumaki Estates. Is there anything else I can do for you?" The old lady asked with utmost respect head still bowed low to the eccentric noble.

"No need for formalities." Said the captain of the 8th division before he said something else in his lazy drawl. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did,but yes, I can answer another, Master." The head stewardess said in a sly coy voice teasing her new master testing the waters for the other servants knowing she would get in very little trouble with her mistress, if any at all for offending the new master. She just had to stall for a few more minutes knowing her mistress was blitzing the west wing with her clones to find that troublesome document.

"I just noticed that I don't even know my wife's name. Or well, anything at all about her, can you tell me anything?" The older brown haired male chuckled in slight embarrassment.

Ai looked at the other occupant of the room as if he had another head, she was so surprised and startled. She asked the embarrassed man in a gob smacked tone of voice laced heavily with a surreal amount of credulousness of the new Master "You mean to tell me you don't know anything about the woman you married at all? Not even her name,her age or anything, not even what she does for a living? You know nothing of her combat record, her services to Soul Society? NOTHING!" She finished in a shrill voice, "Pardon me master!" The elder woman quickly got up from her lotus position and hurried out of the room opening and closing the rice paper doors quickly, once she was out of the room the whole building's residents could hear her laughter.

"It wasn't meant to be funny." The man said to the now empty room. He got up from the table and headed to the door the elder woman took off to cackle in the hallway in not but two minutes before. Sticking his head out cautiously he immediately spotted the old granny that was now drying her laughing tears with the corner of her hankie.

The older woman turned to face him and bowed a bit and offered up an apology for her actions and his bewilderment grew. "Please follow me master, all will be explained once we get there." The woman said in a breathy voice still recovering from her unusual display of unprofessional conduct befitting the head of the Uzumaki house while tucking her hankie into her obi and walking away from the breakfast room. The handsome captain followed her.

Several minutes later they were at a beautifully ornately decorated oak door stained dark red almost like blood with roses and crescent moons, vines and 18 runes in total and a seal of some sort above the door carved into the piece. But what stood out the most was the seal on the two double doors. It depicted A tiger on one side of the crescent moon holding it aloft with a dragon on the other in battle stance and a single lotus flower in the middle with a wisp of fire surrounding it without burning it.

His eyes widened, his jaw dropped, his body became numb and his mind went into overdrive as he tried to over come his shock.

He knew what that seal was, he had only seen it a half million times during his tenure at the academy in his youth.

It was the Royal Families Seal. He never knew the Uzumaki clan was a royal clan he had always assumed they were one of the lesser clans. They never stood out too much. They had their clan on the far side of Soul Society near the Ukitake Estates both clans enjoyed the peace and quite of the forest glades and got a long fairly well. He knew that because, they always made fun of the pretty girl that sat looking longingly at them play on Saturdays when he and his family came over to visit his best friend's family at their estate.

They were horrible little monsters to that innocent child, and he was the instigator for all her strife. No wonder she hated his guts. His eyes were strangely blank and was about to ask another question when he turned his head in the direction of the spirit energy his wife was giving off letting them know she was coming and very excited about something. Her smile was bright but not for him. His heart twinged in slight pain,knowing she hated him. His ears registered her happy voice, and he played his role to the height of his ability so she would never know his pain,his sorrow and his loss.

"Naru-chan, what do you have with you?" He asked in his sing song playful voice everyone knew him for.

"A way to get rid of you!" She sang back to the lazy man while waving it over her head like some sort of banner. He reached for the marriage license only for it to be plucked out of thin air right when it touched the tips of his fingers and quickly being shoved into the breast of her black butterfly kimono.

"Ai, I am going to be mostly gone today make sure they clean up section 10-13 today I need it for tomorrow. And can you burn the sheets on my bed, and put the blue linens on with the silk brown throw. Make sure we have calamari for later with some fresh cold shrimp with those delicious greens you made a few weeks back. One more thing before we go. _DO_ _not_ let _Him_ get any of my coffee. I will be needing it tonight, I have a few projects that need to be done." And with that all said and done she whirled away from them and started walking at a brisk pace.

"Come husband of the hour, we are burning daylight!" She hurried even faster down the winding hall ways of her manor and out into the sun shine after slipping her Geta on and flash stepping faster towards the heart of Soul Society. Her husband not far behind, keeping up with her flash steps which he was surprised she was making him work so hard just to keep up. He knew where they were going an allowed his mind to wander as he followed the bossy female. "How did that type of document get my signature, those type of documents need at least two eyewitnesses to see you sign them. Plus, they were invalid if the party member was incoherent or in a wrong state of mind. So it must be invalid, I'm never not drunk, or at least buzzed."

"You might not want to tell your next wife that." The female ahead of him said over her shoulder her blue eyes laughing at him.

"Naru-chaaaaaaan your soo mean!" he pouted for added childishness to his comment.

"I can live with that. Besides we are here." She slowed down and jumped off from the roof tops they had used for faster travel and unto the gray bricked streets of soul society and into the building Shunshi dreaded to never step foot in again,if ever.

"Marriage License of Soul Society" The golden script read, proudly proclaiming it's importance. With a rattle of a bell over head going off to let the people in the office know they had guest. A bald older gentleman with a formal mens' kimono on said from behind his large desk with a gentle smile, "Hello and welcome, My name is Shin Umi with the Department of Marriage,how my I help you today."

"Well to be honest this is our problem." The blond pulled the document out from the inside of her kimono and placed it onto his desk waiting for the verdict.

"OK, let me have a look." He said pleasantly to his two guest, waving his hand before the two chairs in front of his desk for them to be seated. The two started to glance around the office, out of anxiousness and boredom after they took a seat.

Opening the license was the easy part looking over what should be there and what obviously isn't was a surprise. He assumed they were so unhappy was because their marriage license was a fake so he looked up and asked on a theory about what all serious couples had.

"Do you by chance have your wedding bands?" He asked them still smiling gently all the while thinking no further need to make them feel ashamed a rookie had pulled one over on them,besides they were nobles to boot, and a captain at that!

Two hands came up showing off some of the most beautiful wedding bands he had seen in a long while to answer his question.

"Ah I see." The older man put the paper off to the side and pulled out a real marriage license and set it out in front of him. "Wait just a few minutes, please, I need my assistants for this next part. Jim, Art can you please come here,I have an assignment for you both." The bald man grinned a happy smile to put his guest more at ease. Two identical twin boys melted out from the wall is what looked like was happening.

"Very good skills guys," said the bald older man "Your bending light was very well made and pulled off. I'll be sure to write that down,but we have a job to do first so just stand behind me please.

After both boys were situated behind the older man both standing to each shoulder a few feet back as the man signed where he needed to before passing the document over the the female blond pointing to where her signature needed to be.

The brown haired man asked a question "Don't you need need two for marriages?"

"As well as divorces which happens so rarely.." The bald man said smugly "Your signatures here, here and lastly here Sir." He pointed at the signatures he was signing beside thinking its he last time he would see it.

"And lastly before you leave. Kiss."The older man was a closet romantic and always wanted to see a happy ending.

This is so weird Naru thought as she stood up and brushed up against the man that she was now happily divorced from.

"Well OK, would this make it more official then?" Shunshi asked. This was the weirdest divorce ever.

A quick peck of the lips later they both got the shock of their lives.

"I hope you both have a happy marriage!" The bald guy said as he was tearing up dabbing he eyes with his red hankie.

"WHAT!"


	2. Chapter 2 I am so Boned

"No this can't be happening, tell me it is just a really horrible nightmare and that when I wake up it would have never have happened." Naru said as her emo cloud over head began to rain with brief clashes of lighting and rumbles of thunder.

"It can't be so bad, now can it? I'm very well off, I have a nice paycheck and money saved for a number of rainy days, and he said we can have all the paper work processed in six months for a divorce. Plus I have been told, on the down low of course, I' m quite a catch! You'll rue the day you let such a fine specimen of a man go, I guarantee it!" Shunsui boisterously declared trying to lighten up the atmosphere as he patted the back of his now even more distraught wife of only 15 minutes.

"I thought you could get an annulment though, what gives?" Naru's emo cloud briefly quited for her to listen to her husband speak. "I asked him after I had to knock you out to keep you from going rabid on the poor man." Kyoraku turned his face and smiled at his wife. "That bastard would have deserved it!" Naru pouted at her husband giving him big teary puppy dog eyes.

Kyoraku smiled wider at his wife and was about to reply, when he was viciously nailed in the back of the head by a large book that came out of nowhere! It managed to carry his body clear across to the other side of the park causing a large booming sound from where his body impacted upon the park's walls.

Naru blinked her eyes in bewilderment and slight awe at someones' ferocious power display. She mechanically turned her head to spot the Vice Captain of 8th squad, marching up to the smoking furrow while pushing up the sleeves of her haori, advancing like a predator to her madly twitching husband. She magically whipped out some popcorn, as she watched the vicious beat down begin. "This is just like watching Celebrity Death Matches!" Naru whispered in a loud evil voice peppered with malicious cackles.

"Where Have you been! I have looked every where for you!! There is a mile high stack of papers on your desk that need your signature, that were due yesterday! The Captain- Commander is going to kill us, if they aren't turned in today! " Ise Nanao demanded as she grabbed a handful of his haori and shook her captain like a rag doll.

"Nanao-Chan, don't worry, he wouldn't kill us. Beside, I only had a little to drink yesterday!Oh, I almost forgot! I have some one I would like to introduce you too, dear sweet Nanao- Chan!" The abused captain flash stepped his way out of Nanao's furious beat down to appear beside the woman, his vice captain had disregarded earlier. "Hurry up Nanao chan!" He waved giddily towards his vice captain. His draped pink kimono bobbed with his movements making him look like an excited teenage girl. Shunsui turned towards his wife and noticed a small smile on her face, even if it was at his expense.

He made Naru smile if even a little, which caused him to give a small smile in return as well. He slowly put his hand out towards the seated woman and watched as she took his hand to stand up beside him. His eyes softened if just a little, as she was laughing at his vice captain gob smacked face. All traces of her popcorn mysteriously vanishing, as she stood proudly beside her accidental husband.

Nanao turned herself around and stared at the most beautiful woman she had ever even seen before standing so naturally beside her captain. Earlier she had thought she was some sort of noble bombshell her captain was hitting on, and took preemptive measures to lessen the damage that he would cause their unit, in the very foreseeable future. She had a chill race down her spine when her eyes looked at the petite woman again,but she turned around and started walking towards the odd pair. Once she was in range her bespectacled gray eyes honed in on the way her captain was standing almost protectively beside the woman. And he was smiling. Bad things happens when he smiles. Now she knew something was amiss and patiently waited for him to introduce the mysterious pigtailed blond.

"Ise Nanao Vice Captain of the 8th Unit of the Gotei 13. Meet Shunsui Naru Uzumaki, my wife of the Shunsui Clan." He was smiling as he held up the hand with his wedding band as proof in front of the shocked look on his Vice's face as she turned red started sputtering, gasping before dropping in a dead faint. "Oh dear." He said as he stopped smiling and prodded the unconscious form before him with his foot, dropping his left hand beside his leg.

"You better take her to the 4th unit." Naru said through tears of laughter.

"Guess your right. I didn't think she would faint, rant and rave maybe, but not this." He said as he moved his hand in a sweeping gesture at the slumped form of his vice.

"OK, I guess this is where we part ways. I have to get back to work. See you later tonight." Just before she was about to leave he asked "Are you going to be OK with this?" His voice was lower then before his rugged face was hidden by the wide brim of his bamboo hat. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about Shunsui." The blond said in a jovial tone of voice bordering on sarcastic. "I'll be at the 8th squad barracks tonight." He replied watching her closely from under the brim of his bamboo hat with one gray eye as it gleamed as he saw her subtly shift her body weight just a tiny bit. "OK I guess,I'll see ya around when I see ya." She repositioned herself and was gone in matter of nanoseconds not even stirring a leaf in her departure. "She's freakishly good at that." And with that he knelt down and picked up his Vice and proceeded to flash step her towards the fourth squad's infirmary.

When he showed up at their barracks he caused a bit of a ruckus as Unohana's squad was always busy, but they were able to get Nanao a room quickly as he explained what happened to the tall Vice Captain of the fourth squad's unit Isane.

"She just fainted, I think she over worked herself again." He quickly explained before he told them he had some paper work at the office he had to attend to so poor Nanao-chan could get some more rest and that he would stop by tonight to visit her. And with that he disappeared back to the 8th Squad barracks but first he would stop over at the Captain's and Seated Officers Library in the 10th squad's district. The most neutral district that the Gotei 13 had and try to find out any information about his new bride.

A few Hours later A series of loud sounds of a gavel banging on a wooden board carried across the whole of Soul Society as the Shinigami Captain Commander Yamamoto called for a Captains' Meeting immediately.

"Oh boy, today just isn't my day."Shunsui thought to himself as he proceeded to close the book he had been reading about his wife's family history. He smiled an ironic smile as he swept out of the 8th district's barracks and flash stepped his way to the 1st Unit's Barracks where all meetings where held. He was pleased that he wasn't the first nor the last to arrive as he got in his usual position to await for the stragglers to arrive. He was pleased that old man Yama' was getting impatient waiting for the last Captain to arrive.

The large brim of his hat hiding his eyes in shadow as he surveyed each captain in turn noting the changes each had gone through after Aizen's defeat some five years ago during the Winter War. His thoughts and observations where interrupted when the last Captain finally took his place at the front of one of the two vertical walls of Captains making a path down the middle to face the Captain General Commander Yamamoto. "Thank you Kurosaki, for deciding to grace us with your presence." The old man said in a loud voice that carried throughout the large room.

The young captain of the 5th squad narrowed his brown eyes at the old man in annoyance and said, "Sorry." Without meaning it and turned his attention on the old man.

With a punctuated thump of his gnarled cane he said in a very serious tone of voice, "I have come across some very disturbing information today. One of Our Captain's has married a very influential heir to a powerful family. He has not sought permission to marry, knowing of his duties as a Captain of the Gotei 13. Kyoraku-kun, do you have any thing to say?" The old man cracked an wizened eye to look at the younger man he considered his son.

"Old man, sorry you were not invited to the wedding, don't worry it was a very small affair. She is a very private person from a minor noble family, so it wasn't anything too terribly big." He said very casually to get on all their nerves, he wasn't in a good mood. He hated being called on about his private life, it was none of their business.

"None the less, you should have informed me that you were engaged and married. So that your duties could be attended to while you were off honeymooning." The aged commander said in a stern voice, as if he was an upset father.

"We never got one. I knew my duties would interfere, so no honeymoon." Kyoraku said. He knew it was dirty playing this type of game, using his newly married status to get out of working. He just mentally shrugged his shoulders, and decided to make it up to her someway soon.

"Taki" The aged commander said aloud and just like that a second division messenger runner appeared, "Get me Lady Uzumaki as soon as you can." Gasps were heard around the room all from different captains for different reasons.

"How could you marry such a disagreeable person." Captain of the 12 division said aloud. His oily voice carrying around the room and straight into Kyoraku's heart.

"Don't talk about Naru that way! Besides who asked you, you freak!!" Said one unidentifiable captain(11th) before the room fell into Anarchy.

Shouts where heard around the room and Kyoraku fell back into place in line as he was before he was previously called into public interrogation. He noted only a few people were not speaking, 4th and 13th as well as 2nd. The second commander Soi Fon had a very intense look on her face, almost as if she was having a sever case of constipation. The fourth captain Unohana had a very distinct blush coloring her usually pale skin, now that was an interesting reaction. And he peeked at his best friend to see his usually pale skin blotched with anger and a mask of betrayal applied onto his friend's usually peaceful face. Dark gray eyes were burning with jealousy as calm gray eyes met over the den of chaos, sparking a minor reitsu war they were not even aware of preforming. One cutting into the other not even noticing the world around fading into the background as they fought for dominance over each other.

"Silence." The one word, made the captains immediately cease they petty indifferences, at least for now. "Lady Uzumaki is here." All eyes turned towards the double doors at the end to see what she looked like. Ichigo said playfully, "I bet she's freakishly ugly" to ease the tension of the room only to receive a few well placed Killing intents as his reward. "OK,OK Christ, sorry! I get it. Your all in love with her!" Instead of the K.I, as a reward he was whacked over the back of his head by a senior captain instead. "Dunce." Was the 10th Captain's response.

The second division's runner appeared and knelt before the gathered captains and said.

"Lady Uzumaki is here,upon your request Captain Commander." Taki said as he awaited further orders from either of his commanders. "Dismissed." The first commander said in a pointed tone. All eyes went back towards the double doors.

A loud groan of the heavy doors opening a stream of light back lighting the petite figure, as dainty footsteps was heard a gust of warm perfumed air smelling lightly of gardenia's wafted gently into the room. She held them all mesmerized before they even knew her face. She fully stepped into the room, the doors closed behind her with a soft thump. They all looked upon the beauty before them, she was a feast for the eyes. A heart shaped face, dark long lashes, slightly tanned skin, and the most heart stopping, breathe stealing,gorgeous blue eyes and long flowing golden hair and kissable rosebud plump lips. Small slender shoulders graceful arms, large breast, small waist, a flare of very womanly hips a pert bottom nice thighs and long shapely legs and small dainty feet.

"I retract what I said earlier." Was the response that cut the rooms' spell bound occupants free.

Breath was a commodity that was not in current currency as the room was still stifled by her over whelming presence.

The female standing before them tilted her head a bit to the side and smiled very gently making her eyes soft as she said with a low smoky tone of voice best used in a bed room as she seduced them into her trap.

"Hello." A shudder went through the room at lighting speed. Casting chills unto their spines running down their vertebra like chilled ice in the summer time. Goose bumps rose on some of the lesser experienced captain's arms and on the back of their necks as she used her powers of persuasion.

Her method of persuasion was an ancient one only used by the house of Uzumaki. The mass release of pheromones.

Unohana knew this method all to well for she had not yet over come her temptation in all the years the Uzumakis had been providing her unit with herbs and other more useful bits and pieces of medicine. She subtly shifted her weight as she tried, without success not to rub her thighs together as she remembered banning anyone lower then her Vice from collecting the Medicines from the Uzumaki Estates. She exhaled slowly as she felt her juices start to flow, knowing the others were in even worse straights then herself, she at least had a hundred year head start, to build up an tolerance for it. It just made her more aware of what the "minor" Lord was doing subtly as she prodded each of their defenses.

Unohana bit the inside of her lip as time seemed to stop as she felt the weight of those same keen blue eyes on her. Her body recalled the forgotten forbidden dance they once used to indulge in, when her job became too much and she needed a stress reliever. She tried not to remember as blue eyes clouded with lust locked onto her dark navy ones with the same determination as she recalled those same blue eyes looking up at her from between the apex of her thighs as she blew across her sensitive womanhood. She shuddered as she had a public orgasm.

Kyoraku attempted no to visibly shuddered as he recalled the memories from just last night. The rhythmic pounding of that soft virgin flesh as she screamed his name, for the first time. Him gripping her hips, pulling her viciously into his deep thrust, making a obscene slapping sound of flesh on flesh; as he grabbed a handful of that long silken golden hair, and making her bare her long slender graceful neck to the side in submission. He recalled sucking on it like a vampire hungering for the blood right below the surface. Submission and domination was the game they played last night, he dominated her first, only for her to fight it and reverse their roles so she was the dominate one... He reined his body in as best he could with a raging hard on, and focused on his wife. He wondered if she knew that she lost her virginity to him last night in the heat of the moment up against a book shelf as he took her from behind.

The other captains were not so fortunate as Kyoraku was to have such knowledge of the petite woman as their minds filled with pornographic thoughts. A few were indulging in wild fantasy as she suck or licked them in the erotic places. A few even indulged in sharing her with her husband in a threesome, or a threesome of their own making.

Her eyes closed and a wider more Cheshire smile made its' home on her mouth as she said quietly, "Kai." Without an audible noise the room's pressure was lifted. Everyone of the captains were now cautious around the petite shapely female. The Uzumaki's were minor,influential as well as feared for a reason, now they all knew why.

to be continued...(just kidding!)

A clearing of the throat was heard as they turned their attention back to the Captain Commander. "Lady Uzumaki, Is it true you have recently married?" The old man cracked a baneful eye on the young beauty before him centered in the middle of the walk way between both lines of captains, he never noticed when she walk further into the room. Yamamoto payed careful attention to the way the young woman was standing, he didn't know what she was capable of so best be prepared for anything.

Her outer appearance was prideful and a bit playful, almost egotistical,arrogant even, to the untrained eye. She was the type of warrior he was most afraid of. She was guarding her left side and her right arm was bent at an angle suggesting she was not without weapons inside those billowy sleeves of her formal kimono. Next he made a quick observation of her outfit which suggested she also had some sort of explosives hidden in the obi, and her lining of her over haori was also cause for concern. The next thing his eyes followed was the line of the young noble woman down her body till it came to her geta which were a bit outdated without all the flowery designs on them all the young shinigami women were crowing about these days. He did hear a sharp clack of metal and wood meeting letting him know the bottom of her getas were armor plated, as well as the underside of both her wrist...that came right at the angle to draw a sword from. So she came prepared for war, amongst allies. She did not trust them. He signed mentally to himself and began where he left off from earlier,noting that her line of body followed him so very subtly that only two of the captains picked it up. Kyoraku and Kenpachi. A two thousand year old master observer and tactician and a 100 year old war machine. They subconsciously shifted their weight to the back of their hells,preparing to draw their swords if they had too. He signed once again as he asked the question one more time.

"Are you recently married Lady Uzumaki?" His tone brooked no arguments as she quickly fired back at the elder man. "I'm sorry the number you are trying to reach is no longer in service please hang up or try again." Her attitude was very cocky as she smirked at the older beared crome dome.

"I take that as a no then, Lady Uzumaki." The elder said wanting a straight answer as he tried to maneuver the woman into a position of admitting it.

He didn't know she was one of those children that made the square block fit into that round whole by any means necessary.

"How about this, I ask a question you fill in the blanks with a yes or no. Very black and white, easy for one of your caliber." She said as she smiled that same Mona Lisa smile she was quickly becoming famous for.

"Fine, we will play it your way." Was the clipped response of the elder bearded man as his patience reached it's limit with the slippery female.

"When you get married what happens to the bride." Was the blonde's quick question she wanted out of here already she had several experiments left on a low burner at the lab.

"Anyone, common throw me a bone here. OK so no takers then, how about volunteers. OK you there with the Orange hair. Yeah you." The blond quickly pointed her finger at the dumb founded young man that was singled out, as he stupidly pointed at himself. "I can see why you died now." She said very quietly more to herself then to the captains that she was surround by.

"Uh, she goes and lives with him." Ichigo was at a loss he did not have any experience with this type of shit.

"Close but no banana. OK how about you there with the red pineapple hairdo." She swung her finger in the direction of a half strangled Renji that was choking on his own saliva as he was laughing so hard at Ichigo's plight. "Common Big Red, don't got all day here!"

"She gets pregnant." He said through a wheezing labored breath. "Naughty boy,get your head out of the gutter. But no your closer then Orange was."

"She takes his last name idiot!" Shouted the former 3rd seat of the 11th division Madarame Ikkaku, now temporary captain of the 7th division.

"Correct baldy, now lets put that altogether and what do we get children..."

"Um your name isn't Uzumaki any more correct?" The 7th captain proclaimed quite loudly before doubting himself into petering off at the end.

"Correct, My name is Naru Shunsui, I am no longer a Uzumaki. And it's all his fault!!!!!!!!" The blond shouted panting wildly as she pointed at her new husband.

"Um _Love_ can we talk about this later..." Kyoraku held both hands up in a placating manner as not to anger the raging bull known as his new lovely wife.

"NO I WANT TO TALK TO YOU NOW!" the beautiful blond was fuming and red as a boiled lobster.

"But honey, we are in the middle of a meeting..."He tried to delay his inevitable demise.

"IT CAN WAIT! I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU RIGHT THIS INSTANT, MISTER!" Naru turned her attention back on the group of captains that were now huddled on the other side of the room far away from her calling out to their mommies to save them. "Weird." Was all she said with a smirk as she dragged her husband out of the room, out the door and down the street by his hand as if he were a very badly behaved child.

Once both of them were clear of the 1st division's barracks she couldn't hold it in any long and dropped to her knees laughing so loudly she was crying drawing a few unnecessary stares.

"I take it you are not angry with me."Kyoraku asked the woman rolling around on the pavement still laughing at a prank well done.

"Naw, never was. You want to help me test out my experiment, I need an objective point of view." Even though it was a question he could tell she just wanted to apoligize in her own way and let her take the reins on this.

"Sure, they probable all think I'm being beaten to a pulp for being a pervert." He said it it the lazy playful tone of voice that she was starting to get used to.

She stood up dusting herself off as she looked at the man she had married and smiled sadly just for him and said, "I don't condone mindless violence. He who lives by the sword, will die by the sword. That much I know is true, even in death we are mindless animals all out for ourselves." She shook her head to dispel her momentary depression and smiled at him sincerely and asked, "flash step or walk?"

"To be honest walking sounds good. I know of the more unusual routes that would insure privacy and were we couldn't be easily monitored. Knowing them they will snap out of it in a few minutes. You didn't traumatize them badly enough."He tisked her with a wag of his finger in a universal language of you've been bad gesture. "Ok next, time I am going to be aiming for being a real bitch so when we divorce everyone will be glad I'm off the market for having a personality disorder and you will look even better for putting up with me which would mean, two things. Pity sex, or OMFG He can so like date me because I am high priority and all. Fucking Noobs."

"You are rather interesting." He said as he really looked at her for a few minutes before leading her towards his secret lair. Many twist and turns later Naru was a very lost and confused soul as she was yanked into a darkened alley way, and a hand quickly covered her mouth muffling her startled inhale of breath. A warm breath of air and gentle lips whispered upon the shell of her ear with a hot masculine voice struck a cord in her feminine core as he whispered, "Shh." She shifted back into the man behind her when she heard footsteps at the mouth of their hideout.

"Ichigo, have you found them yet?"The unmistakable voice of Kenpachi was heard sending an excited quiver down her spine, she felt more alive then she has been for centuries playing a high stakes game of hide and go seek.

Unfortunately she did not realize due to her naivety, that her close squirming presence and increase of pheromones due to excitement was affecting the male behind her that was holding her hostage.

She stopped wriggling as soon as she felt a very large and hard foreign object poke into her lower back. She slowly as not to draw any attention upon them, she turned and faced the man behind her and looked up into heavy lust filled gray eyes as curious blue eyes examed the man's face taking note of his enlarged pupils and labored breathing, and the cold sweat that he was breaking out with. Her eyes grew round as she recalled a book she was required to read a long time ago, telling her exactly what was wrong with the powerful man in front of her.

Pheromone Overdose. She was quite literally fucked.

TBC....


End file.
